I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize