walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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