I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So vagazzling was a success
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
