Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
