i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Randomize
