quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
