first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
