girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
