If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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