oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
