around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
