singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is wine microwaveable?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
