If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
