I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
