I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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