: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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