my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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