he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
