I feel like abortions should bother me more
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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