Little spoons don't ask big questions
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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