Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
