I think i peed on brittanys purse
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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