dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
