How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
