Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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