my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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