How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
