Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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