just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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