Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
