THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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