Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
