We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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