Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
