When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
