i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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