if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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