Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize