If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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