my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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