drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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