Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
