: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
