it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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