no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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