Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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