some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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