we have pet lesbian snakes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
