Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize