sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
