wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
