I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
