Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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