So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You ruined the universe
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
