guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
