I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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