Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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