Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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