is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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