The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
