my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My ass is underappreciated
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
