I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
