Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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