My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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