Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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