you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
