dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
