hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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