You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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